Just some verses I've been meditating on...

We had a guest pastor at our church yesterday (Rick Holland) and he preached from Romans 5 on trials. It was such a timely message and it pretty much summarized everything that God has been teaching me about trials during the last 9 months. It was so awesome to hear the same points being made from the pulpit that the Holy Spirit has been revealing to my heart just through my Bible readings the past few weeks. I highly recommend listening to the sermon if you have a chance. You will find yourself encouraged. You can find it at www.gbcaz.org.

Anyways, I have come to realize the necessity of meditating on Scripture. I typically have about 4 verses that I hang on my fridge that I will meditate on for a month or more. There are other times where I will pick a day and meditate on other various passages as well. This past Thursday I was looking for a verse to mediate on specifically in regards to this whole process of trying to get pregnant with #2. I am so easily overwhelmed by this trial. I am finding the joy in the trial though because I am seeing God's work in my life so evidently that I'm left humbled. I was telling Matt on Saturday that I am so thankful for this trial in that God is growing me so much through it, but that I am so ready for the trial to be taken away. At the same time, I don't want the growth to stop, and He is using this trial to sanctify me. It's a catch 22.

I came across Psalm 77 on Thursday and it is one of those passages where I literally just wrote 'WOW' in the margin of my Bible. The whole chapter was just so convicting and I found myself relating to the Psalmist.

The Psalmist starts off by saying that he is troubled so greatly and is so weary that he is having a hard time being comforted. He is having a hard time meditating and he is so troubled that he can't speak. He recalls times where it wasn't this way. But then his "spirit made a diligent search" (vs 6) and this what he asked himself/realized: (vs. 7-13)

"Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?
Then I said, 'I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.'
I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. Your way, O God, is holy."

The phrase "I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High" just blows my mind. When the right hand of God is mentioned in Scripture it is always done so with power. When I consider the years of God's hand over me, I'm humbled. Like the Psalmist, I need to remember God's ways and recount the blessings He has given me. I need to ponder HIS ways. Like the Psalmist, I am inclined to ask the same questions… Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion? But I can't let those thoughts cast doubt. God works everything for my good. He doesn't promise a life of peace. In fact, he says "and WHEN you face trials of various kinds"… it's not a matter of if, but a matter of when. And as the Psalmist concludes, God's way is holy. It is perfect.

Later on in the chapter the Psalmist goes on to mention how the waters tremble before God, that the clouds pour out water and the His arrows flash on every side, that his lightning lit up the whole world and the earth trembled and shook. He says that God's way was through the sea, and his path through the great waters; "YET YOUR FOOTPRINTS WERE UNSEEN" (vs. 19). During the trials, during the storms of life, I have a hard time seeing God's purpose behind it. I can't always see how He is working. But just because I can't see His footprints doesn't mean He isn't there and sovereignly ordaining each event that comes into my life.

One of the verses hanging on my fridge is Psalm 112:6-7 which reads, "For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord." I read this and was so convicted. I am moved by this trial of not getting pregnant. While I still pray for God to remove this trial from me, I have also come to pray in a different manner as well. I so desire to be this righteous person who isn't moved by the trials in his life. I find myself asking for the help to be this person who isn't moved by bad news because I trust in the Lord. I realize I still need help in this area. With another failed month, I find myself in tears. I'm still moved by bad news. Where is my trust in God? I have to be so diligent to take my thoughts captive. We aren't naturally inclined to joy and contentment when trials are in our life. It takes effort and intentionality. But God's grace is sufficient, and because sin has no power over us, it is a response that we are always capable of.

Anyways, that's just a glimpse of what God has been teaching me lately. All Scripture is useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking, and training in righteousness--how good it is for my heart to be spending time in the Word.