Thursday thoughts...

Today I came across this verse while reading a blog about adoption. I so needed this reminder and I literally cried when I read it. So good for my heart today. "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14. It's been a rough week for me. Just so many realities that this journey to grow my family isn't looking anything like I had ever imagined. I've had a lot of convictions about not making the most of my opportunities to mother the son I DO have well, all while I've been so concerned about the next *potential* child down the road. I don't get these moments back, which just led me into a puddle of tears last night. I can't believe I have an 18 month old already! Time is zooming by.

The most recent update in our journey to grow Team Pagel is that Matt and I are seriously pursuing adoption at this point. We submitted one application to an agency, only to realize that they require the money up front, which just isn't possible for us. Most agencies won't allow us to continue to pursue adoption if I were to become pregnant, so this is where I am finding myself becoming anxious. Matt and I both agree that we will pursue adoption while continuing to pray that we will get pregnant on our own. If God wants to close the doors to adoption, then He will. But we feel like we are being called in this direction. We always talked about adopting, but never assumed it would be because of months and months and months of unsuccessfully getting pregnant on our own. I've researched countless agencies, and I currently have a new favorite that I will be receiving information from in the next few days. They are located in Arizona, which is huge! And small world, but the lady I talked to from this agency knows who I am because she went to Cornerstone, and she knows who Matt is because her son went to school with him. We would so covet your prayers for us in this area. Adoption terrifies me. The cost, the home studies, the paperwork, the months of waiting to be placed, etc. The average wait time to be placed is 18 months to 2 years for most places. And I am reminded that the waiting I've already been doing has only just begun, because I have months up to years of waiting to still do if we adopt. Anyways, Matt and I will likely decide within a month if this is something we will pursue, so I'll keep you posted. Giving a child a Christian home would be incredible.

Anyways, I just so needed the reminder to "Wait on the Lord!" When I'm on the otherside of this waiting, I will look back and I will say that I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I believe that, because I have said that so many times in my life already. God has been so faithful to me and has blessed me despite my unbelief at times that His plans are best. But I can't count how many times God's timing and plans have been ten times better than what I was originally praying for and how I have thanked God for many unanswered prayers.

It's time for me to buckle up and wait. Time to stop worrying about how I'm going to get there… God is a Master planner. I can sit back, relax and find joy in the waiting.