Today I came across this verse while reading a blog about adoption. I so needed this reminder and I literally cried when I read it. So good for my heart today. "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14. It's been a rough week for me. Just so many realities that this journey to grow my family isn't looking anything like I had ever imagined. I've had a lot of convictions about not making the most of my opportunities to mother the son I DO have well, all while I've been so concerned about the next *potential* child down the road. I don't get these moments back, which just led me into a puddle of tears last night. I can't believe I have an 18 month old already! Time is zooming by.
The most recent update in our journey to grow Team Pagel is that Matt and I are seriously pursuing adoption at this point. We submitted one application to an agency, only to realize that they require the money up front, which just isn't possible for us. Most agencies won't allow us to continue to pursue adoption if I were to become pregnant, so this is where I am finding myself becoming anxious. Matt and I both agree that we will pursue adoption while continuing to pray that we will get pregnant on our own. If God wants to close the doors to adoption, then He will. But we feel like we are being called in this direction. We always talked about adopting, but never assumed it would be because of months and months and months of unsuccessfully getting pregnant on our own. I've researched countless agencies, and I currently have a new favorite that I will be receiving information from in the next few days. They are located in Arizona, which is huge! And small world, but the lady I talked to from this agency knows who I am because she went to Cornerstone, and she knows who Matt is because her son went to school with him. We would so covet your prayers for us in this area. Adoption terrifies me. The cost, the home studies, the paperwork, the months of waiting to be placed, etc. The average wait time to be placed is 18 months to 2 years for most places. And I am reminded that the waiting I've already been doing has only just begun, because I have months up to years of waiting to still do if we adopt. Anyways, Matt and I will likely decide within a month if this is something we will pursue, so I'll keep you posted. Giving a child a Christian home would be incredible.
Anyways, I just so needed the reminder to "Wait on the Lord!" When I'm on the otherside of this waiting, I will look back and I will say that I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I believe that, because I have said that so many times in my life already. God has been so faithful to me and has blessed me despite my unbelief at times that His plans are best. But I can't count how many times God's timing and plans have been ten times better than what I was originally praying for and how I have thanked God for many unanswered prayers.
It's time for me to buckle up and wait. Time to stop worrying about how I'm going to get there… God is a Master planner. I can sit back, relax and find joy in the waiting.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
4th of July!
Wow… for once I will be posting pictures within a week of them actually happening! :)
For the 4th of July, we went to the Ross's house to celebrate the 4th AND Matt's birthday! We had some friends there as well. I didn't get many pics, but I did take a few.
For the 4th of July, we went to the Ross's house to celebrate the 4th AND Matt's birthday! We had some friends there as well. I didn't get many pics, but I did take a few.
We went to Sonic for some Limeaids and used this time to grab a pic of the two of us.
I bought some glow sticks from Target's $1 bin! (I love that section!) Jace was interested in them off and on. We went into the pantry to see them glow.
My family! <3
Mick brought some fireworks so he set those off when it got dark. Jace surprisingly really liked watching them. We think he was somewhat scared because he literally peed 7 times (he shakes when he finishes peeing, so it's pretty obvious). But he would do the sign for more and just stared at them!
Celebrating with friends!
This was a pic from last year's 4th of July and this years. Matt wore the exact same thing last year. haha. It's fun to see the changes! Jace actually has hair this year! Win!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
More of what God is teaching me
Well here goes another post about what God is teaching me. I think I write these more for my sake than anyone else's because I need the reminders and the encouragement for my heart as I write them.
We had a guest speaker at our church this past Sunday, and he preached through Psalm 33 on how to conquer fear. He said a couple of things that just humbled me and made me see where my faith is lacking. He made the statement that for many people, our limited knowledge produces fear; but knowing that God has complete knowledge should calm those fears. He said, "You only know some things, and faith starts where your knowledge stops." So much of my anxiety or stress comes from my lack of knowledge. I don't know what the future will look like, if my family will ever grow, what the Lord has in store for me, and that leads me to be anxious and to fear the unknown. I love the statement he made when he said that faith starts where knowledge stops. It's so true. I just need to have faith in God's sovereignty and find comfort in the fact that He already knows the outcome. I don't need to know the answers. It is enough that God knows. The last verse of Psalm 33 says, "Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you." The Psalmist is asking for blessing to the same measure of his trusting in Him. Wow, what a prayer! If God's love was dependent upon the measure of how much I trusted Him, I would be a lost cause.
Another thing I can't get off my mind is the sermon by Voddie Baucham http://www.sermonaudio.com/playpopup.asp?SID=525141455405. (Thank you, Ally, for sending this to me). I have listened to this sermon twice in the last week and have cried multiple times both times I have listened to it. I plan to listen to it again this week. I am not a crier usually when I listen to sermons, but this one just so encourages/convicts my heart that I can't help but cry. It was one of those sermons that I felt like could have been written for me specifically in this moment of life.
I've also been reminding myself about a statement I read in Psalm 145 about the Lord being "kind in all his works" and just applying that truth to trials.
I read in 2 Chronicles 20 about the Israelites being worried about a great horde of people coming against them and that they didn't know what to do, so they fixed their eyes on God. The Lord told them to not be afraid or dismayed by the great horde because the battle was not theirs, but God's. He told them they did not need to fight this battle and that all they needed to do was stand firm, hold their position, and see the salvation of the Lord on their behalf. This passage again brought me to tears as I was telling Matt about it. It was just such a good reminder for me to fix my eyes on God and to be still. I always feel like I need to be doing something and really all I need to be doing is trusting God.
Well, I think I officially win the award for the most posts that are all over the place. Hopefully you were able to follow along. Sometimes it's so hard to communicate what God is teaching me.
We had a guest speaker at our church this past Sunday, and he preached through Psalm 33 on how to conquer fear. He said a couple of things that just humbled me and made me see where my faith is lacking. He made the statement that for many people, our limited knowledge produces fear; but knowing that God has complete knowledge should calm those fears. He said, "You only know some things, and faith starts where your knowledge stops." So much of my anxiety or stress comes from my lack of knowledge. I don't know what the future will look like, if my family will ever grow, what the Lord has in store for me, and that leads me to be anxious and to fear the unknown. I love the statement he made when he said that faith starts where knowledge stops. It's so true. I just need to have faith in God's sovereignty and find comfort in the fact that He already knows the outcome. I don't need to know the answers. It is enough that God knows. The last verse of Psalm 33 says, "Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you." The Psalmist is asking for blessing to the same measure of his trusting in Him. Wow, what a prayer! If God's love was dependent upon the measure of how much I trusted Him, I would be a lost cause.
Another thing I can't get off my mind is the sermon by Voddie Baucham http://www.sermonaudio.com/playpopup.asp?SID=525141455405. (Thank you, Ally, for sending this to me). I have listened to this sermon twice in the last week and have cried multiple times both times I have listened to it. I plan to listen to it again this week. I am not a crier usually when I listen to sermons, but this one just so encourages/convicts my heart that I can't help but cry. It was one of those sermons that I felt like could have been written for me specifically in this moment of life.
I've also been reminding myself about a statement I read in Psalm 145 about the Lord being "kind in all his works" and just applying that truth to trials.
I read in 2 Chronicles 20 about the Israelites being worried about a great horde of people coming against them and that they didn't know what to do, so they fixed their eyes on God. The Lord told them to not be afraid or dismayed by the great horde because the battle was not theirs, but God's. He told them they did not need to fight this battle and that all they needed to do was stand firm, hold their position, and see the salvation of the Lord on their behalf. This passage again brought me to tears as I was telling Matt about it. It was just such a good reminder for me to fix my eyes on God and to be still. I always feel like I need to be doing something and really all I need to be doing is trusting God.
Well, I think I officially win the award for the most posts that are all over the place. Hopefully you were able to follow along. Sometimes it's so hard to communicate what God is teaching me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)